I was reading Jordan Peterson’s Beyond Order and one of the rules said to not hide unwanted things in the fog. Though I will not be able to do justice to Peterson’s description of the fog, What we carry is an example of what it feels like to go into the fog and then how to come out of it. This heartbreaking story about a mother’s miscarriage and the time it takes her to heal and grieve for a lost life is well written, brutally honest and thought-provoking. I knew that this book would make me emotional but I did not expect the intensity I experienced. Take a look at the synopsis below and then read on for my thoughts.
Cassidy Morgan’s life has always followed a carefully laid track: top education, fulfilling career, and marriage to the love of her life, Owen. The next logical step was starting a family. But when a late-term miscarriage threatens to derail everything she’s worked so hard for, she finds herself questioning her identity, particularly what it means to be a mother. Unable to move past her guilt and shame, she realizes there’s more to fix than a broken heart. Grief illuminates the weaknesses in her marriage and forces her to deal with her tumultuous relationship with her own mother.
Cassidy hopes her work as a veterinarian specializing in equine reproduction will distract her from the pain but instead finds that one of the cases she’s working on shines a spotlight on the memory of her unborn son. For once in her life, Cassidy is left untethered and wondering why she wanted to become a mother in the first place.
Then the unexpected happens when Cassidy becomes pregnant again. But the joy over her baby is tempered by her fear of another loss as well as her increasingly troubled marriage. Now, she must decide whether to let her pain hold her back or trust that there’s still something to live for.
What We Carry is a thought-provoking response to the author’s own miscarriage and lack of fiction surrounding the topic, that she and other women in her situation crave.
Content Notes include depiction of trouble conceving, miscarriage, stillbirth, death of a child, complications at birth.
Thoughts on What we carry
What we carry is a beautiful book where life itself is the plot. I don’t know what it was about the synopsis and the timing of this book but when I was looking for a book to give me some knowledge of what to expect in the coming years and a cathartic release, I am glad I found this one. This book has everything – familial bonds, harsh reality, heartbreak, love, working through relationships and, most importantly, learning to see ourselves in our parents’ shoes.
On growing older
There were at least two moments when Cassidy was remembering her childhood and she saw her parents in a new light. One of them was when she was thinking back to when she was 8 years old. Her beloved dog has passed away and she had been mad at her dad for taking her away. Her realization that as much as she loved her dog, her dad had loved her too was beautifully written and I cried so much at that point. It made me pause and reevaluate. Now in my late twenties, knowing what I do about my parents, I can think back to what they were doing when they were my age. It is powerful and scary to do that because it makes us realize how little we know now and how much we trusted them, looked up to them, when they were our age.
How we are brought up has a huge influence on who we want to be, whether we want to follow in our parents’ footsteps or make our own. I saw myself in Cassidy a number of times, especially when she explained putting her career first before trying for kids.
On support systems
This book touches on some very hard subjects and I appreciated the brutal honesty with which they were expressed. Though I have not experienced miscarriage myself, as someone looking to start a family in the coming years, I had mixed feelings reading about it. I was happy to have a role model in Cassidy to see the turmoil of emotions and situations she experienced while I was also heart broken for her. The jealousy that comes over us at times of loss makes us feel bad for our negative thinking. Through Cassidy I learned that it was ok and I felt supported knowing that it will be normal to feel that way. I don’t know what pregnancy will entail but through Cassidy’s experience, and my friend Jenna’s review, I feel better knowing I have read a book that accurately represents the experience.
On what we carry
When bad things happen for no reason, it is natural to turn into ourselves and not want to deal with the rest of the world. For sometime this works, but eventually, we realize that we need our families to help us through. We need a partner who will hold us tight, even if we don’t seem to show we need it. We need a sister who will be honest and put us on the right path. We need the peer who has gone through the same thing to tell us it will be ok. We need to know somehow, need to feel somehow, that even though it hurts a lot right now, time will make it better. There is so much we carry within us – the hopes, dreams, aspirations, guilt, missing someone, but we have to learn to live with all of it and know that all of it together makes us.
I loved the relationships in this book. Though Cassidy formed the main perspective, the other point of views of her husband, Owen, her sister Claire and her mother Joan were helpful in rounding out her character and getting a glimpse of how much she changed due to the miscarriage and her healing journey.
Reading Experience Summary
What we carry is a hard read. I may not have experienced everything in the book firsthand, but I can imagine how hard it is and Cassidy’s story, I am able to put words to the emotions and the turmoil. There is a lot to this book. There is healing. There is acknowledgement for when we have to wake up and work on our relationships or we will fall apart. I loved this book. I cried. I laughed. I am glad about how everything turned out.
The cover is beautiful and the cast and multiple points of views were well thought out. The story was quite moving and the pace of the plot worked well with the situations portrayed. As I read, I thought about motherhood, pregnancy, relationships and all of the above.
Be kind to yourself if you read this book, especially if some of it comes too close to what you have experienced.
Will you pick up this book?
What we carry is available in stores. Be sure to check your local library and order it through there to help this book reach more readers.
Amazon Print
Amazon Kindle
Many thanks to the publisher for providing me a complimentary copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you for reading this post about What we carry! Come back tomorrow when I chat with author Kalyn Fogarty about the book, pregnancy and more!
Cover image: Photo by Tim de Groot on Unsplash
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