Welcome friend! Whether it was having a warm cup of coffee in my rocking chair when my daughter went down for her morning nap or taking a shower after cleaning my cats’ littler boxes at the end of the day, rituals have held a soft spot in my life for some years now. It was only during the second half of my maternity leave that I started to turn to them more and more. I found The Ritual Effect: From Habit to Ritual, Harness the Surprising Power of Everyday Actions by Michael Norton while browsing the audiobook collection of my library and decided to borrow it. After Good Daughtering, it seemed like the perfect next book to dive into and I was not disappointed! I love reading about life and it has so much to say about it.
In this ground-breaking and inspiring guide, a renowned Harvard psychologist demonstrates how turning everyday habits into rituals can improve our work, our relationships and our lives.
Think of the way you keep up quirky family traditions.
How listening to a certain song before speaking in public can calm you down.
Or why it feels so strange to sleep on the opposite side of the bed.
These are practices that are imbued with symbolic meaning. And they have the power to turn black-and-white moments into technicolour.
In his ground-breaking book, Harvard professor and world-leading rituals expert Michael Norton uses his cutting-edge research to show the impact that these everyday actions have on our lives — and how transforming habits into rituals can give us purpose and pleasure. Habits get you through the day; rituals make the day worth remembering, and life more meaningful.
Along the way, Norton shares stories from sporting superstars (Serena Williams always bounces the ball five times before her first serve), million-dollar companies (new Google employees wear beanies with propellers) and ordinary people (inventing their own “ritual signatures”), who reimagine everyday moments to give a sense of control, build camaraderie, and spark joy.
Rituals can forge winning teams, heal families experiencing grief and help us rise to challenges, big or small. Now it’s time to create yours.
The Ritual Effect – Review
What is a ritual?
A ritual offers meaning to the mundane. It is a series of actions that we do in a certain order at a certain time, and if we don’t, we might feel a bit off. Rituals are different from habits in their spirit of intention and the acknowledgement of a transition.
At the start of the book, Michael posed this question to the readers: Do you shower before or after brushing your teeth? If you reverse the order, how does it make you feel?
I prefer to brush my teeth first thing in the morning, no matter when I shower. My husband does not have a preference. My response shows that for me, brushing my teeth is a ritual, a way to start my day.
Michael Norton’s interest in rituals came to be when his daughter was born. The steps that he and his wife followed to make sure their daughter got a good night’s sleep were unique to them and a misstep meant it wasn’t going to be a good night. I noticed the same with my daughter – a dance that we perform to teach her that it is time to rest.
What this book offered
I enjoyed the wide variety of examples in this book. Rituals are often religious in nature but Michael nicely pointed out how they exist in all other realms and one does not have to be religious to have rituals. From team building, performance sports, bedtime routines, grieving to merger of companies, rituals can smoothen transitions as well as signal to the brain that something is over now. I loved the discussion around work, how people created rituals when working from home during the pandemic as well as returning to the office afterwards.
This book was holistic in all the dimensions that it covered of rituals and at the end, I felt I learned a lot. I also found the examples of how rituals can divide people interesting. Many of the scenarios shared in the book were relatable like the position of toilet paper and dishwasher stacking. I liked that the book focused on all kinds of rituals like those people have with each other while in relationships.
In every partnership, there is a person who stacks the dishwasher like a Scandinavian architect and a person who stacks the dishwasher like a racoon on meth.
A popular meme
Rituals I thought about
As I listened to the audiobook, I started noticing how many of my days are quietly structured by these small, repeated acts — some inherited, some newly formed, some I didn’t realize I relied on until I paid attention. It made me wonder about the ones I’m still unconsciously building.
Nowadays, my personal rituals include setting an intention each morning on InsightTimer app (I was 203 days in at the time of writing this review. It’s day 373 on posting date!).
When I returned to the office after my maternity leave, I found myself creating rituals around that too. I didn’t start off with wanting to establish a ritual. I just noticed what emerged. The first week back was cold and snow pants were a must for transit and the walk outside, to and from the bus stop. I took to changing out of my comfy leggings and snow pants into dress pants in the morning and then back into comfy leggings once I headed back home. I love this switch and have found it as a great way to leave work at work. When I get home, I am already at ease to spend time with my daughter.
Christmas in my husband’s family has changed recently. We’ve shifted the day of gift opening. Though it has been nice to have a slower Christmas Day, two years into the ever-moving gift opening date, I find the tradition to me was always tied to Christmas Day. Since I grew up without Christmas, it’s my husband who should have more input into how ours unfolds. I’ve asked him what he’d like for our Christmas, and we’ll design something special this year.
Who were the family members in your childhood that enacted rituals?
As I thought about how much rituals mean to me, I wondered who I get this from. My paternal grandmother, Amma, and my paternal aunt, Abu, are those special people in my life. The ritual of morning prayers – giving a bath to the deities, eating prasad, smelling incense… These are all highlights of my childhood. The chapter about grief was particularly enlightening as it made me realize I wish to remember Amma and Abu but don’t have anything solid to lean on. It is not enough for me to think about them on their birthdays and death anniversaries. (Today would have been Amma’s 90th birthday.) I want to do something more meaningful than that, something I can show my daughter about these two very special people who adored me and would have adored her. What new rituals would I like my daughter to grow up with?
Should you read The Ritual Effect?
I would recommend The Ritual Effect to anyone curious about the small, meaningful patterns that shape their days — the things you do without thinking, yet would feel strangely lost without. This is a book for readers who enjoy pausing to notice their lives as they are, and who are open to finding meaning in ordinary moments. It’s a light, accessible read that doesn’t ask you to take notes or change your routines. Instead, it encourages reflection: what already feels ritualistic in your life, and what might become so with a little intention.
I found myself returning to this book during my lunch breaks and while doing housework. I realized that reading itself is a ritual for me. I look forward to writing about my rituals in reading and writing another time.The Ritual Effect fit naturally into the rhythm of my days, reminding me that meaning doesn’t have to be manufactured. Often, it’s already there, waiting to be noticed.
What rituals do you have in your personal and family life? I would love to hear from you!
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