There are many self-help books out there and each one of them has something to offer, whether it is the experiences that they share or the lessons that were learned. Secrets to Being Amazing: What confident people don’t do is a short and sweet book by Denise Wijayaratne. This 50-pager will not only make you think about your own situation and the ways in which you interact with others, but also provide actionable steps that you can take right away to become more confident. I learned much from this book and am looking forward to sharing some of these thoughts and the pearls of wisdom.
Here is the synopsis:
Do you know someone who is so effortlessly cool, calm and collected that nothing ever ruffles their feathers? Do you find yourself wondering how they do it, so comfortable being themselves without a care in the world? Do you wish you could have even half of the confidence they have in order to erase self-doubt and stop worrying about what other people are thinking about you?
This book spills the secrets of highly confident people, not just of their natural responses and reactions to everyday situations, but also their unique thought process that sets them apart from the rest of society. It shows common behaviours that aren’t beneficial to self and the importance of self-love in building successful relationships. Amazingness Keys in each chapter will help you develop higher levels of self-confidence and ultimately revolutionise your relationships with self, family, friends, romantic partners and professional colleagues.
The Short Take – From Goodreads
Secrets to Being Amazing is a crash course in confidence.
Covering 23 ways in which confident people differ from others, Denise brings her personal experiences together in concise notes that offer actions, ideas and insights. This book is a quick read, affirming many ideas that one might have about caring for others, external gratification, relationships, takers-and-givers, attention seeking and social media behaviours. This book is more than that though. It is straightforward and thought provoking.
I would recommend it to anyone looking for a quick light self-help read. It has actionable ideas. All of it is written from Denise’s perspective, she calls to the feelings we often experience in life. I would have liked to see some more research and facts, since she is a scholar of psychology and would be a great source to provide evidence for many of her ideas. However, I do understand that such research can make the book a bit heavier to read, especially for teenagers, who would benefit from reading it, in my opinion.
The Long Take – Themes for Thought
The best books are those that can communicate ideas in the least number of words. When you read such books, you know exactly what they are saying because there is no hidden meaning. That is one reason why everyone should read Secrets to Being Amazing: What confident people don’t do.
On being our own Master
I felt that the biggest lesson that Secrets to Being Amazing has to offer is to learn to be oneself and one’s own master. We often go about our lives looking for validation from others. Whether it is praise for doing something well, getting noticed, having new doors open to us because of our hard work, whether it is putting the dishes away without anyone telling us to, it is natural that when other people are involved, we want to be acknowledged. However, Denise shows through her writing that ultimately, it is all in our own hands, what we are looking to get from others and what we take from it.
In reality, nothing other people say or do can affect you unless you let it… The only way it’s possible for insecurities to exist in your mind is if you choose to accept those judgements as true for you,
# 1 Confident people don’t care what others think
Think about social media for a minute. When Facebook was new, it was a cool thing to have over 1000 friends and then eventually people started weeding through their lists. Now, I see something similar with twitter where people often thank their thousands of followers, or ask for a couple more followers to reach a certain number. Even though we know that following hundreds of people does not mean that we truly interact with them, this number holds an important place in our minds.
The number of followers has become an external validation metric. We let it affect us. We get a boast when we get a new follower, a stranger we know only as much as what their profile says. We actively try to get more and more people in our circle, by sharing our enthusiasm for having them and, in turn, getting more.
Denise’s book made me think deeply about my social media presence and the things I have noticed on it. Everyone is on social media for different reasons. There are communities like the #writingcommunity on Twitter that provide immense support and encouragement to writers, but what has the number of followers got to do with our confidence levels? What does it really mean to have a following and to be follow others, when you will probably never interact with most of these people on Twitter itself?
Confident people know why they are doing something. They are honest. If they are in the community for the followers, they are frank about it. If they are in it to learn new things, you can tell by their tweets.
We become our own master when we know ourselves and why we choose to take the paths that we are on. What others say might still affect us, but not to the extent that it leads to an impulsive decision. People’s opinions are taken in consideration, matched up against our values, and then acted upon. Or not.
On Accepting what we have
Denise mentions the ‘lack mentality’ in Secrets to being Amazing. The context is being happy for others and what they have, and to stop the constant comparison that goes on in our minds. Nothing in life is a cake walk and just because someone already achieved something, does not mean that we can’t achieve it. It means that it will take some work and we have to be willing to put that work in. When we fixate on what we don’t have, that’s lack mentality. Lack mentality stops people from taking action. It represents a roadblock, a finish line that someone already crossed so what’s the point because we are not going to come first anyway.
In education, there are two mindsets. Fixed mindset where people believe their abilities and talents are fixed and can be used, but neither further developed, nor new skills learned. The opposite is growth mindset, where people believe intelligence and capabilities are malleable. We are capable of growing and learning. The lacking mentality is a trait of fixed mindset.
Confident people have a growth mindset. They continue to learn and work towards their goals, no matter how long it takes them. They do not compare with others because they know and have accepted that everyone is unique and none of us will have the same journey. We all leave our own footprints in the sand.
I am thankful to Denise for reaching out to me about her book and providing me a complimentary copy in exchange for an honest review. This book gave me the opportunity to think about confidence, my habits and social media. I have been trying to understand myself better and why I chose to pursue my fields of study as well as bookblogging. Denise’s book is part of the reason that I wrote my Manifesto of what I wish to achieve with writing about books and what brings me joy. Her book built my confidence and I hope that it builds yours too. 🙂
** Secrets to Being Amazing: What confident people don’t do is now out in stores so get a copy and let me know what you think! It is also available for free through Kindle Unlimited. **
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Cover image: Photo by Bryan Minear on Unsplash
Footprints in sand: Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash
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