Beth Koritz, Author of Resilience Road

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• One of the popular sayings nowadays is “Fake it till you make it!” As I read your book, I felt that as much as you tried to fit with the societal norms and expectations, faking it never brought authenticity to your life. What do you think of presumptions and messaging like this one that have become quite popular over time?

 That is such a great question. There are times when I think that phrase has a place. I will sometimes use that language when I am advising a client to try to change a negative behavior pattern or asking them to try to add a positive behavior that may, at first, feel uncomfortable. For example, adding random acts of kindness to their lives. Since I know ‘faking it’ won’t harm them in any way the phrase is a way to get them to keep going, despite the initial feel of discomfort.  However, and this is a big however, no one should fake anything that doesn’t feel like it resonates with their authentic self. This is something we know in our gut. Unfortunately, so many of us aren’t tuned in to what our inner voice is telling us. Or we have blocked it out of fear.

• Growing up in India, the western society was always seen as an attraction because people don’t have to pursue higher education or get married and start having kids, especially women. As I have lived in it, and through your book, I have realized that people here still have the checklist, even if there is a little more wiggle room and there might be less pressure from home. Based on your life experiences and clients’, are there cultures whose checklist stands out in any manner?

I find it so interesting that any non-western culture would view us that way. I think that Western culture is still very based on getting a higher education, marrying, having happy children and owning a home. While this has been changing it is a slow change. It’s only recently that some people have begun accepting that college is not necessary or even useful for everybody. I think this entire shift is an example of people ‘talking the talk’  but most parents still don’t ‘walk the walk’ when it comes to their own children.

• When did you start developing the philosophy of life about the Universe leading us to experiences to teach us a lesson. Is it something that evolved in its completeness during your counseling practice or while writing your book?

There is a short answer and a long answer.  The short answer is, it evolved before either of those things.  I’m feeling reflective at the moment so here is the long answer! Growing up Jewish my religion was very important to me but I could never accept the ‘man in the sky’ model. Later in life, when I learned about energy and metaphysics I began visualizing my higher power as the energy in the center of a spiderweb with the energy traveling out and around through the threads of the web. This helped me wrap my brain around ‘the power of the Universe’ or ‘God’ or whatever the next person calls it. Then I began learning about Kabbalah and other religious ancient teachings like Hinduism and Buddhism that believe in reincarnation. My belief is that in each life we are here to learn lessons, some small some very big. If we don’t learn our big lessons in this life we will have to learn it again in the next life in order to progress. In this life the Universe will keep giving you opportunities to learn the lesson. These opportunities are challenging and the sooner we learn the lesson the sooner the Universe stops giving us the challenge. This may not resonate with everybody and that’s ok. Everybody’s personal beliefs are all unprovable so we should all stick with what feels right to us and brings us comfort.

• Resilience Road is autobiographical and self-help in so many ways! Were there any epiphanies or takeaways you experienced while writing it, since you were able to reflect deeply on your life?

I haven’t really had an epiphany while writing it but I did have one that caused me to write it. For years people have been telling me I should write a book. On the one hand it made sense because when you have this many crazy experiences in your life it feels like they should be book worthy. On the other hand, I could not figure out why anybody would want to read about me, a total stranger, not famous or infamous. Then after I had been a practicing therapist for many years I realized that I was taking the lessons, coping skills, strategies that had gotten me through all of those experiences and I was using them in my counseling.  That’s when I realized my book could have a purpose and help people. I figured if I could combine my stories with those tools it could have a positive impact on a lot of people. The one epiphany I did have during the process was when I was working with my editor. We were sitting at a table and I was creating a mind map to explain my philosophies to her. When I saw the mind map I realized that a wonderful coaching program could come from the book. This was no where on my radar in the four years it took me to write the book and I’m thankful for that. If I had been thinking coaching program from the start I don’t think it would have been as painfully truthful as it is.

• What is one self-care practice that you would recommend everyone to adopt?

SLOW DOWN!!!  I think this is the easiest to talk about but the hardest to do. In our culture, the hurry hurry hurry is admired. If we slowed everything down, walking, driving, working, thinking, we would have time to hear and honor our inner voice. This voice is responsible for our self-acceptance, the way we eat, rest, etc. It is almost impossible to become your true authentic self if you can’t hear that voice.

• Are there any novels, memoirs or non-fiction books that have helped you tremendously on your journey? 

When I was recovering from Guillianne Barre Syndrome (GSB) someone gave me a copy of No Laughing Matter by Josheph Heller (Catch 22) and Speed Vogel. Heller had had GBS and this was a book about that experience. It is a funny book! It helped me find the humor in a truly awful experience. That’s a skill I continue to use through all of my challenges. The book is out of print now but I own two copies. It had such a huge impact on me that owning one just didn’t seem like enough.

• What was the hardest part about writing this book and sharing so much of yourself with your readers?

Well, I chuckle when I read this question because I really put it all out there! I’m single so if I meet someone and want to get to know them, I feel like they can’t know my last name for a very long time. I don’t want them to read my story unless I want them to read my story! I also knew that some of my clients would read the book. I’ve never been a believer of the idea that therapists should never self-disclose. I think there is a time and a context when a therapist can share something personal in a way that is helpful. But I did recognize that this book would take that to a different level. I have had clients who have read the book and reported that it was helpful above and beyond their sessions.

• What has been the hardest part of finding your authentic self?

I think the hardest part for everybody is letting go of caring what other people think of your choices. We are used to living and dying by what other people think of us, how they accept/or don’t accept us. Liking yourself and your life so much that you don’t care is so freeing! But, since I still live in the same world as everybody else I still have to sometimes remind myself that I don’t need to make my choices based on anybody else’s opinion.

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I enjoyed discussing my ideas with Beth and I am happy to say that she is another friend that I have made due to bookblogging this year. 🙂 Check out my thoughts about the book here.

** Resilience road: Exploring your authentic life path  is available in stores so get a copy and let me know what you think! **
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(available on Kindle Unlimited)

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Cover image: Photo by Simon Launay on Unsplash
Image with message: Photo by Allie Smith on Unsplash