Welcome friend! When I received a notification for an upcoming tour for Wedded Wife: A Feminist History of Marriage by Rachael Lennon, I knew I had to read this book. I love reading history and how customs have evolved over time and what great timing to read about an institution that I have recently joined myself! Let’s take a look at what this book is about and then read on for my thoughts. I promise you some wedding photos. 🙂
Wedded Wife: A Feminist History of Marriage
By Rachael Lennon | Goodreads
In this fascinating feminist history, Rachael Lennon tells a remarkable story of how this institution has developed from the ancient customs of the stone age through to the modern form it takes today.
In this eminently readable and relatable study, Lennon also explores themes such as the pressure to marry, the politics surrounding proposals, the spectacle of marriage, the business behind it, and the politics tied to consummation as well as issues such as taking a man’s name, the nuances of marriage vows and obedience, ‘having it all’ and trying to keep up the fight to have an enduring marriage.
Having married her wife just a few years after the legalisation of same sex marriage in the United Kingdom, Lennon interweaves her own personal experiences of marriage with stories and anecdotes from throughout history to explore how marriage has transformed over the years.
In shaking off patriarchal expectations, Rachael examines marriage’s troubling past and celebrates a more joyful present, celebrating the feminist activists who have fought to make marriage a pure and equitable celebration of love, open to everyone regardless of gender or sexuality.
She also asks what compels us to keep making this choice? Can we let go of the gendered baggage that we have inherited? Can we hold true to feminist values as we commit to our partners? And what does that look like? How can we build on the past to continue to redefine marriage for the future?
Wedded Wife: Thoughts
Wedded Wife is divided into three parts: ‘She said yes’, ‘The big day’ and ‘What comes next’? While the first part offered historical context, the big day went into details of wedding planning in the old and modern era. What comes next looks at the new roles that women take on after the wedding, expectations around name change, happy married life, etc.
On Historical Accounts
Most of the research and statistics mentioned in this book relate to Europe and North America and the central role Christianity played in shaping marriage.
I did not realize how much there was to know about marriages, though it makes sense because it is a relationship that people have been entering into for centuries, across the world, across cultures. Wedded Wife takes a deep dive into the history and development of marriage, its societal pressures and implications as well as the struggles that LGBTQ+ couples face. This is a well-researched book. I have not come across such a thorough work about this topic before, but I also haven’t been interested in it as much until I got married myself. In some accounts that Rachael shared, I found it extremely uncomfortable to learn how much the government was involved in people’s private affairs. From the book, I gathered that the British government essentially disowned its own women citizens who chose to marry someone from outside their country from the 1910s to 1940s… wow. However, looking into the British Nationality and Status of Aliens Act 1914, women did not automatically lose their citizenship according to Part III 10(2). Phew.
Same-sex marriages and their legal standing is explored in detail throughout the book. It is heartbreaking that some places around the world still do not consider these are true marriages and how recent the shift in perspective has been. At the same time, it is heartwarming that people have continued to pursue love inspite of what society says. It takes courage and I am glad more stories are resurfacing.
It was good to see cultures from other places in the world mentioned, though sporadically. I would have liked a few more details around the specific ways in which colonization affected marriage in colonized places like India that already had their own solid beliefs and traditions, as well as the effect on indigenous people.
What Customs Mean Today
The second part of Wedded Wife explored the aspects of wedding planning and execution in detail from legal, cultural and societal angles.
Wedded Wife gave me the historical context of customs like the father giving away the bride. Who women married used to be dictated by their families for the longest time in aristocratic circles and I think it is important to remember that most people do not have the pressures of royalty so common man/woman accounts are key to getting a holistic picture of any institution or long lasting milestone/tradition. I particularly enjoyed the mix of literature and true accounts that Rachael brought into this book. Seeing how women were depicted in stories by Jane Austen and other authors I grew up reading kept me interested in this book.
This book primarily mentioned the UK and US and I think it was a missed opportunity to not include examples from countries like Canada that have had a longer time period accepting same-sex marriages. Canada legalized same-sex marriages in 2005 compared to the UK (2014) and US (2015). A decade can see a lot of change.
I am in an opposite-sex marriage. Clinton played an active role in planning our ceremony and festivities around the wedding. No matter what the generalised experience and historical meaning of events and acts may be, ultimately, we made our personal choices on how we approach the milestones in our life. My parents walked me down the aisle and I chose that because both of them and my step mom have played an undeniable role in shaping who I am.
Papa gave me away.
Individual context is very important and there are places in the book where I felt it assumed that just because someone follows old traditions, we do it with the spirit of the old traditions. I am able to assign my own personal meaning to the traditions and customs I grew up with. I hope that people continue to feel empowered to make their own choices in their weddings and marriages.
What’s next
Part three about where we go from here touched on many of the questions that I asked myself including did I want to take Clinton’s name and drop mine. This part also looked at how women would no longer work after marriage and how to have a good married life. I was disappointed that the book barely mentioned the pressure that women experience to have kids after the wedding. I would have also loved to know how these pressures vary for other couples and what challenges they face in child conception and family pressure.
Marriage only begins at the wedding. What does it mean to marry into a family? What are the direct expectations and responsibilities that the couple gets from either side? That’s another aspect that the book did not cover and maybe it’s a hard one to research.
As people in the modern era in places and cultures where love is given priority and more and more people chose to experience living together before they tie the knot, this feels like this is the most free and accepting we have ever been. It’s not a perfect world. Marriages are multifaceted and we still have a long way to go for an inclusive society. But we are trying and bringing awareness where we can.
Wedded Wife set out to do a lot and while it is inclusive in writing about LGBTQ+ and non-binary folks, it does not talk about all the challenges that come with being a women who chose to get married. A reviewer on Goodreads rightly pointed out that the book did not do justice to the experience of disabled people. As a feminist history, I would expect at least something about the life of disabled women over the time period covered. Also, divorce was glanced over in this book. The challenges that people face after a divorce is not just limited to legal access to the children.
Overall, Wedded Wife offers a lot to think about. What was eye-opening to me as I read this book was marriage is a layered affair, and based on who we are, the time we live in, we are exposed to some of those layers. I appreciated the effort that went into putting together this book and enjoyed it.
If you are interested in the Western history of marriage, Wedded Wife is a good book as it covered the US and the UK primarily. The focus is on the Christian and modern world. The book covers most of the aspects around marriage and weddings through research, personal examples, stories and commentary on the state of the world, historical and present. It may be a valuable resource for same-sex and LGBTQ+ couples as the challenges they may encounter are openly discussed in this book. If you are interested, add this book to your Goodreads shelf.
Books to check out if you haven’t already
I love books about Hindu epics told through women perspectives so here are three more bonus books: The Forest of Enchantments, The Palace of Illusions, The Girl and the Goddess.
Many thanks to the publisher for providing me a review copy of the book for an honest review. The tour for Wedded Wife is organized by Random Things Tours and will begin on April 4th. Stay tuned for my interview with the author.
Cover image from Unsplash.
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