When I still had energy to do the romance challenge Ariel and I had set out for ourselves for this year, one of my picks had been The Forty Rules of Love by Elif Shafak, recommended by my best friend Lauren. A beautiful, immersive tale about love, spiritual, personal and relational, if you guessed that between the leaves of this book, forty rules were woven into the story, you are correct. It wasn’t just the forty rules though that I marked in the book – there was something to be learned from the characters, the setting, the time, almost every aspect of the story had something to offer at some point of time.
One of my friends recently returned my copy back to me. This is how I found it the other evening: sitting on my shelf, waiting for a place to be put back to. I remembered how much I had loved this book, though months later, the story and quotes were mostly a haze. I only remembered the feeling of being understood and guided. I flipped through it, looking for the sentences I had highlighted, and found them to be amazing reminders about life and living. As I read them altogether, I noticed themes that I hadn’t before. In this post, I am sharing what a quick re-read of my highlights revealed to be about the book, but first, let’s get some context about the story with the synopsis and my review.
In this lyrical, exuberant follow-up to her 2007 novel, The Bastard of Istanbul, acclaimed Turkish author Elif Shafak unfolds two tantalizing parallel narratives—one contemporary and the other set in the thirteenth century, when Rumi encountered his spiritual mentor, the whirling dervish known as Shams of Tabriz—that together incarnate the poet’s timeless message of love.
Ella Rubenstein is forty years old and unhappily married when she takes a job as a reader for a literary agent. Her first assignment is to read and report on Sweet Blasphemy, a novel written by a man named Aziz Zahara. Ella is mesmerized by his tale of Shams’s search for Rumi and the dervish’s role in transforming the successful but unhappy cleric into a committed mystic, passionate poet, and advocate of love. She is also taken with Shams’s lessons, or rules, that offer insight into an ancient philosophy based on the unity of all people and religions, and the presence of love in each and every one of us. As she reads on, she realizes that Rumi’s story mirrors her own and that Zahara—like Shams—has come to set her free.
Content notes include Sexual violence, Murder, Violence, Death, Terminal illness, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship.
Review of The Forty Rules of Love
The Forty Rules of Love is a beautiful story set in present time 2008 and also the 1200s. The modern timeline follows a married woman who supposedly has everything. She has 3 kids, one of them is in university, and she is working with a literary agency while her husband pursues his career. They have a house of their own and have been together many years. The manuscript that she has been assigned is a story called Sweet Blasphemy by an author named Aziz. While reading the book, based on the poet Rumi, she realises that she feels stuck and isn’t happy in her life. This book seems to be written to give her courage and take a leap. She starts corresponding with the author and one part of the book focuses on her growth and their connection, first through emails and then in person.
Aziz’s book, Sweet Blasphemy, takes most of the centre stage though. It is told from multiple perspectives – the main character, Shams, a dervish who leads a nomadic life in service to God, his eventual teacher and student (yes, both) and destiny, Rumi, and many others who cross Shams’ path. Shams, in his travels and observations of the world, has come up with forty rules that help live a better life and can get one closer to God. He has received a divine instruction to pass on that knowledge to someone who will be revealed to him in due time.
This book is about love, compassion, romance, human connection, while being deeply rooted in Sufism. A lot of the pearls of wisdom that Shams shares can be applied to life without yearning for God. It’s a story within a story, touching on the status of women in the 13th century and the present day, what love is, how it changes and also how life is constantly evolving, not just by our decisions but also those made by others.
A few months later…
The themes I pondered in my reread:
On the concept of submission and patience
I have talked about the practice of being kind to myself in a post recently and I want to revisit that idea here. The journey of planning a big event like a wedding is a teacher. In everything that has gone well and not so well, I have recognized opportunities to do better the next time, to understand myself and my loved ones and how we can all work together to have the least amount of stress on the day of. By being kinder to others, it is easier to be kinder to myself. But being kind means understanding the concept of submission and practicing that too. I haven’t thought of it that way until I reread these lines from The Forty Rules of Love:
One thing that has helped me personally in the past was to stop interfering with the people around me and getting frustrated when I couldn’t change them. Instead of intrusion or passivity, may I suggest submission? […] Submission is a form of peaceful acceptance of the terms of the universe, including the things we are currently unable to change or comprehend.
Aziz, in a letter to Ella, pg 54
I think submission is a way of letting go of the illusion of control, acknowledging that things will transpire as they do. We can influence people around us, but what they do isn’t something we can dictate, particularly when we want it to be genuine, lasting relationship.
When I sometimes get stuck in thinking about how the future will unfold, how I will react to certain things that might happen, I pause and tell myself whatever happens, in that moment, I would know best. Based on context, emotions, timing, the whole situation will be the best time to know what I should do. Thinking about it ahead of time isn’t going to be make me any better equipped. That is practicing patience and letting things play themselves out. But what is patience exactly? Shams sheds some light in the following rule:
Patience does not mean to passively endure. It means to be farsighted enough to trust the end result of a process. […] It means to look at the thorn and see the rose, to look at the night and see the dawn. Impatience means to be so shortsighted as to not be able to see the outcome.
Shams, pg 74
And to be able to trust oneself and be patient to see the outcome, leads to peace:
True power resides in submission – a power that comes from within. Those who submit to the divine essence of life will live in unperturbed tranquility and peace even when the whole wide world goes through turbulence after turbulence.
Shams, pg 292
On importance of knowing oneself
My twenties have been a learning experience. I left home, completed my education, got a job, met the love of my life and now we are on our way to celebrate our commitment to each other. A lot has happened and a lot is still yet to come. In recent months, I have dug deep into my tastes as well as realized when my expectations have been unrealistic.
As long as I knew myself, I will be alright.
Shams, pg 152
This quote makes me think of the power of decision. When we know something to be true and how we wish to pursue it, there is sense of finality. Knowing myself and why I make the decisions that I make helps me to be able to look back at what I did with clarity. I will not doubt my actions and hence, I will be alright and nothing will waver my faith in myself.
What we need is sincere self-examination. Not being on the watch for the faults of others.
Shams, pg 257
When I have been stressed and unhappy with people, the most liberating feeling has been when I have stopped thinking about their actions and started thinking about mine. Knowing what I know now, what would I do differently in this situation next time?
Books have so much to offer. When I glimpse any teachings for my life from them, I know I have not only found a book I want to go back to again, but one that will provide comfort. The Forty of Rules of Love has gems in the philosophy of love, living and being.
On a personal level, I am working on practicing kindness, submission and knowing myself so it is not surprising that these quotes are the ones that jumped out to me. I look forward to seeing what catches my attention next time I find this book on my bookshelf.
What’s a book you love re-reading? What new things have the re-reads revealed to you?
Find The Forty Rules of Love on Storygraph and Goodreads.
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