Welcome friend! Since sharing my four trimesters reading list, I’ve continued reading about parenting guided by our everyday life with Serai. Around the three-month mark, Serai was starting to engage with toys. After spending a whole day playing with her and entertaining her, I found myself exhausted and irritated as night finally arrived. I wondered: is this really the way to be with a baby? A Google and Amazon search led me to this book – Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting by Janet Lansbury.
Janet is a popular blogger who writes about parenting inspired by the RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers) perspective. From the RIE website, Parents.com is quoted as saying, “RIE parenting is […] based on the idea that all babies are born with the ability to learn and grow, and that they should be treated with respect and given the opportunity to explore the world around them”. I was excited to learn about it from Janet!
Janet Lansbury’s advice on respectful parenting is quoted and shared by millions of readers worldwide. Inspired by the pioneering parenting philosophy of her friend and mentor, Magda Gerber, Janet’s influential voice encourages parents and child care professionals to perceive babies as unique, capable human beings with natural abilities to learn without being taught; to develop motor and cognitive skills; communicate; face age appropriate struggles; initiate and direct independent play for extended periods; and much more. Once we are able to view our children in this light, even the most common daily parenting experiences become stimulating opportunities to learn, discover, and to connect with our child. “Elevating Child Care” is a collection of 30 popular and widely read articles from Janet’s website that focus on some of the most common infant/toddler issues: eating, sleeping, diaper changes, communication, separation, focus and attention span, creativity, boundaries, and more.
Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting – Review
Janet’s introduction of this book gave words to my thoughts around motherhood in those early days:
My baby was adorable, yet never in my life had I felt so tired, lost, inept and disappointed in myself. The mothering instincts I had assumed would provide me with clarity and guidance never materialized. My life had become a monotonous succession of feeding, burping, diapering, entertaining, and soothing tears (lots and lots of tears, most of them my daughter’s).
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Similar to her, I felt the exhaustion of taking care of a newborn and one of my biggest concerns was how I was going to manage as she got older and had more energy and I was back at work! Janet opened my eyes to how I could release my expectations around this and observe my baby for who she is and what she wants to do. This is in line with the Montessori philosophy that I had read about in The Montessori Baby and I enjoyed a shorter yet different recap.
Elevating Child Care is a compilation of 30 blog posts Janet has written over the years. Easy to read, concise, and fun with personal stories, today I want to highlight 5 articles that I loved and related to in the first couple months of my baby’s life.
What your baby can’t tell you
The very first article, “What your baby can’t tell you in the beginning” was a beautiful reminder that no matter how young, my girl is already a person. This piece helped me reframe how I see my baby: not just someone I care for, but a whole person—present, capable, and already herself. She is an individual with her own needs and personality. In this thoughtful article, Janet shared some ways in which us grown ups like to be treated which also applies easily to babies. There were three big lessons/reminders here for me.
- To not distract my baby, especially when we are doing something intimate like a bath or diaper change. I started talking to her during these times, telling her about what was going on, often telling her in advance that we were going to do something.
- Giving her the freedom to create and initiate her own activities and observing her as she plays, getting to know her favorite toys and things. This is true in Montessori too where as parents we create an environment for our children, having a few toys around that they can interact with as they please. I love watching Serai on her playmat as she follows her interests, going from talking to a toy to rolling around the mat. I don’t have to direct or entertain her constantly—she already knows how to engage with the world. At 5 months old, her favourite activity is to kick, next favourite being laying outside in the sun, watching the trees in the wind.
- Janet’s recommendation to trust her with the truth, to not pretend to smile when I’m sad was a game changer. There were many tears in those early days and though she won’t understand, being open with her from the very start is good practice for me as she gets older. There’s freedom in being myself.
How to love a diaper change
I reread this article for this review and thoroughly enjoyed it. The first time I read it, Janet really made me love diaper changes, that are endless with babies. I feel like I return to the change table every 3-4 hours if not more some days. In this article, I was also reminded of how as my girl grows, she will be able to participate in these changes. She already does. The key is to be attentive, and as per her capabilities, involve her. These are intimate moments that we spend together and they are a great opportunity to slow down.
In those early days, Serai would cry on the change table. Nowadays, she wants to roll on her side or hold her dress up for me or babble to me. I’ve been loving this! As Janet recommends, we often postpone diaper changes to a time when there is a lull in activity. She may be done on the play mat but we haven’t started nursing yet and this is a good time to check and change.
Our hands are a baby’s introduction to the world. If they touch slowly, gently, and “ask” a child got cooperation rather than demand it, we are rewarded with a relationship bound in trust, respect and the inexorable knowledge of our importance to each other.
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Babies and sleep
Of all the early parenting concerns, sleep might be the most universal. It’s the one topic I have read the most about and every month without fail, and every time I am in doubt, I consult takingcarababies.com.
Magda Gerber is credited with developing RIE. Janet relayed Magda’s advice to reframe ‘sleep’ to ‘rest’. I loved the analysis of how phrases like “go to sleep” and “fall asleep” can have negative meanings to little minds. Even when they start knowing words, babies are pretty literal.
For a baby to sleep, she has to relax and let go. She shouldn’t sense any agenda or attitude from us that keeps her wired or fighting sleep. There have been times recently when Serai needs to nap but she doesn’t want to. I’ll swaddle her up and we hang out. After a little bit of talking, I let her look around and do my own thing. It can take her 30 min but she eventually falls asleep. I love watching that.
Janet also talks about sleep training and I like her perspective on how it’s actually un-training babies from the habits we have instilled in them like rocking and nursing to sleep.
This article was a cohesive summary of all that’s important to know about helping baby sleep.
For our babies to let go, they need us to let go.
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Letting go of expectations—my own and hers—has been one of the most important mindset shifts for me.
For more on sleep, check out takingcarababies.com or read The Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep: Simple Solutions for Kids from Birth to 5 Years by Harvey Karp (Goodreads).
Infant play – great minds at work
Babies are self-learners, and what they truly need (and plus enormous developmental benefits) is the time, freedom and trust to just “be”.
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This was the article I wanted to read. To give Serai the time she needs to play without me hovering over her or showing her what to do. Kicking, observing, interacting with toys are all forms of play that babies engage in. This is a good reminder:
Respecting these important personal moments when our infant is engaged in thought – not interrupting – encourages longer periods of play that can extend to hours as a baby grows, through to older hood and beyond.
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This article gave me permission to step back and simply witness the wonder of her mind at work. Everyday I watch with awe.
Dentists, Doctors, Haircuts
I’m someone who needs advance notice whether it is for a friend visit or a bill payment. Babies are no different. I’m so glad I read this article before Serai’s first shots at two months. Janet says to prepare baby for visits outside of their routine life. It’s simple – talk to them about it, where they will go, what they will do there, a few times leading up to the event. I have found that so helpful for myself too. I need to mentally prepare too!
When we went for her four-month shots, I started a new ritual. The appointment disrupted nap time so I made the executive decision to drive for a while so that she could snooze in the car. I stopped by the Second Cup drive-thru and got myself a frappe. It was May 7th, a long time friend’s birthday and we always used to get frappes to celebrate it. It made perfect sense to start something new with my baby in remembrance of something old. We will always do this when she gets vaccines and over time, she’ll join me with her own choice of drink.
Did one of these speak to you? If you are a parent, were you reminded of those early months with your baby/babies? Tell me a memory or ritual that you have with your kid(s) in the comments. I want to hear from you!
Life with a baby is a mix of joy, exhaustion, uncertainty, and awe. They grow up so fast and there is nothing like growing with them. Elevating Child Care helped me reframe how I see my daughter and my role—not as an entertainer or fixer, but as a respectful, present guide. Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting by Janet Lansbury is one of the first books I turned to looking for answers of my everyday questions. This review marks the beginning of a new chapter in my blog—one where I share more parenting reads that meet me where I am and reflect the journey of growing up alongside my child.
The above are just five of the articles that I specially wanted to highlight at this time of our lives. I will be back with 5 more next year when we reach toddlerhood. See you then. 😉
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