Today I want to talk about my personal journey and the values that I fight for, for myself — goals that I want to achieve which weren’t always clear but as time has passed, the fog has lifted and revealed not only why I want to do something but also given me the zeal to do it. I feel this commitment that I did not feel before.
In What is worth fight for?, I analyzed two of the causes I am committed to — encouraging undergraduate research and making books accessible to my friends and this will give a little more context to that article.
Papa’s side of the family have always been academics. Almost every single one of them has held a teaching job from school teacher to principal to professor at university level. Growing up, I didn’t think I was going to be any different. My love for stationary and books is very much because of them, Papa and my grandma in particular. I played teacher-teacher as a kid. I read books. I underlined in books I was not supposed to underline in. I did my share of mischief.
By the time I started my Bachelor in Computer Science in India, it was decided I would come to Canada to do my Masters. I was accepted and I moved. Papa encouraged me into research and I initially liked research. It was a different kind of reading and thinking. I was in a new country. I was surrounded by people who knew Computing science more than I did. And then I found teaching… I still remember my first class — I had made a new friend and we were both Teaching Assistants(TA) for the same class. He had his lab session before mine and so I asked him to stay and watch me and critique me for my first ever teaching session. It went great!
That was when I knew I was going to be in teaching.
I loved teaching undergrads and so I wanted to teach at university level. Know though, I never really considered school till much later but we will get there.
My professors realized I liked teaching more than research. They wanted me to honestly think about doing a PhD in Computing Science because if I did not like it, that would be years wasted. I found a Masters in Educational Technology program for which the criteria was to have had teaching experience and I could apply. I got references from both my TA professors and my supervisor. I got accepted.
That was the first degree I ever decided to do on my own — all my previous education had either been hand picked by my parents or something that had seemed the normal course of action, after a BSc in Computing Science, you go do a Masters.
I officially entered the world of Education as a graduate student. But I was not teaching as a TA anymore, I was grading. That was when I realized I like being around people and having a connection with my students. I struggle when I can’t do that because grading is not teaching; it is part of teaching, but when that’s all you do, it’s not the same. At least it was not for me.
Fortunately, I found a mentor in my MEd program. He believed in me and said I had to go teach in schools — they needed people like me. I thought about it for a couple of months and then I agreed. I wanted to teach and I was not ready for research yet. I had passion for teaching but for me to be passionate about research, I had to go find it.
Somehow that worked out and he helped me wrap up my MEd in a year and we got me into the After Degree in Education program and here I am now… making my way through it, knowing that at the end of the road, I will be able to teach.
In my study where both the degrees are hanging, MEd is my main one — because that was the one I chose on my own and which got me closer to where I did not even know I wanted to be.
I fight for my dreams. I fight for the time when I will be able to go do what I love.
If I met my 19 year old self who was just moving to Canada, she would be so surprised to know me because this is not where she planned to be. She would be proud, though I am sure. I learned a lot on the way here: about passion, expectations, dead-ends, finding my way out,… I did not know how hard I fought with myself and circumstances to come to this point and realize I just want to teach, and it does not matter in school or at university.
I asked myself “what about teaching is important to me?” and, in the process I also ended up answering why I decided to become a teacher. My answers were: I love teaching; I like helping people; I enjoy seeing people understand a concept; I appreciate knowledge and sharing it; I want people to achieve their potential using that knowledge; I want to share what I have learned and how I did it. My last why gave me my true inner core: I want to continue being a student and grow with my students.
I have never felt so connected to my inner core. Four years ago, I would have shied away from any mention of being part of a student council or volunteer somewhere — that was not me. My MEd changed that. I was encouraged to apply to all scholarships I was eligible for, to be on Faculty Councils, and part of student-run journals. I even met the donor of the scholarship I was awarded when I wrote him a thank you note. I learned to be proactive.
I am now with teaching. I volunteered at my brother’s school. I am meeting other teachers, looking out for opportunities with other student focused organizations, reflect on teaching strategies and build a toolkit I can refer to. I want to get more preservice teachers and teachers involved in this process of sharing. I am aware of the news, I want to make a difference and (my 19 year old self will grin now and shake her head) run for a position maybe. I want to be in administration.
Dreams, dreams, dreams!
I never used to take compliments seriously. Part of that is because we like hearing good things said about us and if we start acknowledging that, we fear people will stop saying them. I changed that and decided to agree with my parents when they say they see potential in me to do more, I try to remember that when I feel I am lagging behind or not doing enough. I am in control and I can change that if I try.
It’s going to be an amazing journey and I hope that even if it does not inspire you, it makes you think about what you are fighting for. It took me 3 years to find that because I put restrictions on myself and I just wanted to stay in my comfort zone. 🙂
Feature image: Lifting the fog – Photo on Visualhunt
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